The Forgiveness/Bitterness Dichotomy

Simon the Pharisee throws a party: The painting, Feast in the House of Simon the Pharisee by Rubens, c. 1618. (via Wikipedia) Notice the woman at Jesus’ feet. See scripture ★ below.

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” – Jesus, The Lord’s Prayer (in the Sermon on the Mount)

“Detach the fetters of faults that bind us,
like we let go the guilt of others.” – Lord’s Prayer as translated from Aramaic (full text in C201 1.27.19)

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” – Also Sermon on the Mount

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Apostle Paul, writing to the Ephesians (4:32, NIV)

At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?”
Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. – Dialog found in Matthew’s Gospel (18:21-22, The Message)

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” – Jesus teaching, as recorded by Mark (11:25)

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” – Luke’s account of Jesus responding to Simon’s objections to Jesus reaching out to a disreputable woman at a party Simon was hosting. (Full account in 7:36-50) ★

So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him...
When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes. – Paul, in a second letter to the Corinthians on reshaping their approach toward a man in the church who was the object of church discipline. (2: 8,10,11 NLT)

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Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends. (Henry Ward Beecher)

Many suppose forgiveness has been granted by making a pronouncement to that effect. Proclaiming forgiveness is easy; forgiving is difficult and a challenge to a person’s soul. The practice of forgiving requires a poor memory. – Russell Young (C201 9.5.17)

Maybe we’re afraid that by demonstrating grace and mercy we will seem weak on sin. Need that be so? Jesus spoke to the heart, not to the behavior. As demonstrated in the John 8 story, He told [the woman caught in adultery] to sin no more, but by His act of mercy, He also demonstrated love! – Rick Apperson (C201 1.18.15)

Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship… – Bonhoeffer in The Cost of Discipleship

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A year ago we introduced you to the writing of Matt Tullos and today we’re back at his site again.

Forgiveness is More about You Than Them

All was well in the Amish community in Lancaster Pennsylvania until a deranged man mercilessly shot 10 Amish girls and then turned the gun on himself in 2006. How did they respond to this shocking loss? Amazingly, the Amish community didn’t blame. Instead, they reached out with grace and compassion toward the killer’s family. They understood the importance of forgiveness, not for the killer’s sake. He was dead. But for themselves. Why? Because living in unforgiveness is debilitating.

Most of us will not have to endure that depth of offense. Most bitter people didn’t become a bitter person through the act of a single dagger. Most bitter people are dying from a thousand paper-cuts. The girl that rejected him… The backroom deal in the company that cost him a promotion… The humiliation experienced years ago from a father’s rage… Whether we can reconcile the relationship or not, we must forgive.

We get stuck. We fantasize about vindication. We look at relationships surrounding the offense with malice. We cling to bitterness as our beverage of choice. We talk about it to people who have no business hearing of it. We dream about going back, doing things differently, saying something more damaging, or avoiding the offense. For many, this becomes a lifestyle that poisons every relationship they enter. It’s insidious.

Jesus is clear on this. In order to be forgiven, you must forgive. That’s easy to say but hard to do. And yet this is a primary hallmark of Christian manhood. It’s a heart issue. Who knows? Forgiveness might just save your life.

“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.” – George Herbert

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We Live Our Lives Both as Offended and Offender

This is our third time visiting The Serener Bright written by Ian Graham, pastor of the church Ecclesia, located in West Trenton, New Jersey. As always, bless our contributors with some traffic by clicking the headers which appear below these introductions to read at source.

Psalm 35: Enemy Intelligence

If you’ve ever felt like the world is aligned in a conspiracy against you, Psalm 35 is for you. David doesn’t so much write as he shouts protests:

They hid their net for me without cause
    and without cause dug a pit for me,
may ruin overtake them by surprise—
    may the net they hid entangle them,
    may they fall into the pit, to their ruin.   (7-8)

For many of us, we read Psalm 35 and feel like telling David, “Look, man, you’re just having a bad day, the lady who told you you need two forms of verified ID at the DMV is not a cosmic enemy plotting alongside Satan to ruin your life.” Our modern way of naming enemies is by establishing who’s in our camp and who’s not. The people on the other side of the spectrum are the bad, nefarious people while those within our state borders are given the benefit of good faith and good intentions.

Psalm 35 affirms our suspicions that enemies are a part of life. David doesn’t call role, naming these individuals but he identifies them by their injustice and their glee when troubles befall him:

Ruthless witnesses come forward;
    they question me on things I know nothing about.
 They repay me evil for good
    and leave me like one bereaved.   (11-12)

David promises that he will delight in the Lord and rejoice in his salvation (v. 9), but these unnamed enemies glean their joy from sorrow in David’s life (v. 15). They are mockers, slanderers, engaging in the verbal pornography of gossip and secretly fist-pumping when they get a report that something ill or painful has befallen David (vv.15-16).

You may or may not be able to name people in your life who fit this description. Psalm 35 is acknowledging that this is the way of the world, a way of conflict and alienation. This leads us to the second way that Psalm 35 bears witness to us in how we are to live and move in a world fraught with enemies.

Notice how David responds to the presence of his enemies. He does not lash out in anger and righteous retribution. He goes to great length to describe his own innocence, even noting how when he got updates on those who now mock him, when he heard that they were in anguish, he mourned alongside them, as if he were grieving the loss of his own mother (vv. 13-14). We love nothing more in our society and in our stories than when a person, a people, or an entity get what’s coming to them. We say yes and amen to vindicating vengeance either by the law or other means. But David doesn’t become a vigilante for his own victimhood.

Rather, David prays to God. He acknowledges that God is his judge and deliverer. David opens with the plea:

Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me;
    fight against those who fight against me. 
Take up shield and armor;
    arise and come to my aid. 
Brandish spear and javelin
    against those who pursue me.
Say to me,
    “I am your salvation.”   (1-3)

David knows that he is imperiled because of his enemies but he also knows that only the Lord can release him from their snares. He foreshadows what the apostle Paul will instruct the Roman church to do in Romans 12vv17-19:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Jesus will tell those listening that they are not simply to refrain from vengeance, they are to love their enemies. Psalm 35 is a long way from the way Jesus will unmask our true enemies (sin and death) but it gives us a way to live in the world that is often contentious, where people wittingly and unwittingly often live as our enemies.

But in light of Jesus’ teachings, Psalm 35 leaves us with a much more haunting question. Jesus says, don’t look at the speck of sawdust in your neighbor’s eye while ignoring that there is a 2 X 4 sticking out of your own eye (Matthew 7). Jesus compels us to reread Psalm 35 asking ourselves not simply how have we been wronged by others, but how have we, ourselves, been an enemy to others? You see, we live our lives as both offended and offender, and the witness of Jesus declares to all, there is grace for both—forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us (also, providentially, Matthew 7).

“Kick in the Head” Psalms

This is an interesting study in how we sometimes might misunderstand or mis-apply some of the more violent verses in Psalms. The writer is our weekly contributor, Clarke Dixon, and you can click the title to read at source. In today’s devotional, he suggests some of these verses call for a “boot to the head” to the enemy, but I would also argue that, surprising as they are when we encounter them, they’re almost like a kick in the head to us. So what’s really going on these verses?

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When Prayers Are Not Pretty – Reflections on “Boot to the Head” Psalms

What happens when as a spiritual exercise you commit to praying though the Psalms and very early on you get to a verse like Psalm 3, verse 7?

Rise up, O Lord!
Deliver me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked.
Psalm 3:7 NRSV

This verse is calling out for what I would call a “boot to the head” of the enemy. Whatever happened to turning the other cheek?

In visiting the elderly or the sick I often like to read Psalm 139 with all its comforting thoughts but sometimes I forget to stop at verse 18 and read:

19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—
20 those who speak of you maliciously,
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Psalm 139:19-22 NRSV

Note how the one praying is not just filled with hatred, but “perfect hatred.” How nice! Or how about the time that I opened worship using Psalm 149 as a call to worship but forgot to end at verse 5:

6 Let the high praises of God be in their throats
and two-edged swords in their hands,
7 to execute vengeance on the nations
and punishment on the peoples,
8 to bind their kings with fetters
and their nobles with chains of iron,
9 to execute on them the judgement decreed.
This is glory for all his faithful ones.
Praise the Lord!
Psalm 149:6-9 NRSV

As a Christian I have to ask how can this fit with the words of Jesus when he says “bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” in Luke 6:28 (NRSV). Or as Paul commends the teaching of Jesus to the Christians in Rome: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them” (Romans 12:14 NRSV). Reading the not-so-pretty parts of the Psalms makes me feel less like a Jesus follower and more like an extremist jihadist. How can I love the enemy as Jesus taught while praying for their destruction as the Psalmists do?

Here are four thoughts to help us:

First, recognize the circumstances of the writer. Psalm 3, for example,  was written by David when his son Absalom took the throne from him and was seeking to end his life, chasing after him with an army no less. You can read about this in 2 Samuel chapters 15-18. We each go through troubles, but how many of us as comfy Canadians have ever faced a situation quite like that? Put yourself in the Psalmist’s shoes for a moment, and rather than expressing hatred along with the Psalmist you just might find yourself expressing gratitude for having it so good.

Second, recognize that the Psalms are sometimes not as personal as we might tend to read them. When we read of the Psalmist’s desire for a “boot to the head” of the enemy, our minds may go straight to thinking of individuals that have offended us in some way. The Psalmist, on the other hand, may rather be asking God for a military victory against a vicious army. Indeed when you read the background story to Psalm 3, David does not want his enemy, his son, Absalom to die. When he hears of his son’s death, far from celebrating an answered prayer, he mourns.

Third, we can think of the enemies all around us that are threatening to crush and/or kill us. As Canadians we may not be able to think of anyone out to kill us, but can we think of anything? Cancer? Boot to the head Lord! Addictions? Boot to the head Lord! Gossip? Boot to the head of gossip Lord! Lies? Boot to the head of lies! Satan himself? Dear God, boot to the head!

Fourth, when the name or a face of someone who has wounded you cannot help but come to mind, then go ahead and let God’s Word help you express your pain and anger. “This is how I really feel, Lord” is a valid and valuable prayer, “I wish you would give a boot to the head of my enemy. That is how I feel.” This fourth point deserves a little more attention . . .

It is interesting at how we might feel that we sin by being angry, but scripture does not condemn anger as sin by itself: “Be angry but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26 NRSV). We sin, not by being angry, but by what we do with our anger. Far better to express our anger to God in prayer, than to another person with our fists, words, or manipulations.

This is where we can see that prayer is a conversation that moves, and moves us over time. We may think that we cannot pray until we have a well thought out and tidied up prayer, a “finished product” worthy of an “A” from an English teacher. Forget that, just pray. Pray when you are too upset to get your words together. Pray when your prayers are too ugly for the church prayer meeting or even your best friend. Pray an honest prayer like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane:

33 He took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be distressed and agitated. 34 And he said to them, ‘I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.’ 35 And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 He said, ‘Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; Mark 14:33-36a NRSV

This was not a pretty well thought out prayer. But Jesus’ prayer moved into: “yet, not what I want, but what you want” (Mark 14:36b NRSV). Basically Jesus went from “Dad, this sucks” to “You are love and grace, and I will join with you as you pour out your love and grace.” And not only did the prayer of Jesus change, but also his expression; from distressed and agitated in the garden, to calm, cool, and collected before the High Priest, before Herod, and before Pilate. Prayer does stuff like that.

When there is someone in your life you find yourself truly loathing, let the Psalms lead you into prayer. But then let the Holy Spirit move you through prayer so that you can move from “Boot to the head of that person Lord, and that is how I feel about it” to “You Lord, are love and grace and I will join you as you pour out your love and grace. Yes, even on that person.”