July 1st is Canada Day and in the U.S., July 4th is… well, it’s better known simply as “The 4th of July.” (Independence Day to be precise.)
Many times people feel very lonely and even severely depressed on holidays, especially when they (a) have no one to share the time with (b) many shops and restaurants are closed, and (c) they don’t have the distractions of their job. That last one hits some people especially hard. It can be especially devastating to be alone on a day when people are celebrating groups.
Of course, this year, many people are not celebrating in groups. The worldwide pandemic has suspended many holiday celebrations. Here in Canada, just about everything connected to Canada Day is cancelled for this year, though I suspect that in the U.S., 4th of July celebrations will go ahead in some jurisdictions.
If you are single and you think marriage is the cure for this, think again. My wife and I have gone through many stages in our marriage where we did not have any other couple that we, as the kids would say, hang with. This can be especially frustrating if you were hoping someone could join on the holidays to help with a particular project. Holidays simply reinforce that state of social affairs, where you have no one to call on to assist with a particular need. Of course, in marriage, you’ve got each other; and Biblically speaking that is one of the main purposes/benefits of marriage, but married couples will tell you that sometimes that isn’t enough.
But in that last sentence, I could have easily have typed, ‘Of course as Christians we’ve got the Lord…’ and that reality is one we can easily overlook.
The Psalmist understood this; Psalm 73: 25 says
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
Some might argue that the key to this verse is “in heaven;” that Asaph is comparing the God of Israel to other gods. But I believe he is also contrasting “friends on earth” to having a “friend in heaven.”
A similar passage is in John 6:68, when Jesus has asked the disciples if they wish to leave
Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
Cynics would say that Peter is simply saying he has no other options, almost implying that he might leave if something better came along.
But time will prove the prophetic nature of his statement. Jesus remains faithful to Peter even when Peter doesn’t remain faithful to Jesus. Peter messes up but Jesus restores him. Truly, this is a friend who stays closer than a brother. Ultimately he is willing to die for his friendship with Jesus.
For some, my reference to marriage pales in comparison to an estranged relationship with a parent, or those who are true orphans, or those whose parents are no longer living. In Psalm 27:10 (NLT) we read:
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.
Again in the Psalms, in 68:5-6 (NIV) we read:
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
6 God sets the lonely in families
he leads out the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
Or perhaps you had a sibling; a brother or sister to whom you were so close. Proverbs 18:24 (NASB) reads,
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
It’s interesting to note that there is a problem that can occur on the opposite end of the spectrum when you have “too many friends.” (Maybe we should be careful what we ask for!)
That’s the kind of companion you have in Christ, even on a holiday when waves of depression roll in…
…Having said all this, the scriptures directly confront the reality of loneliness. In Ecclesiastes 4:7-12
“Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. ‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, ‘and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’ This too is meaningless—a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”
When you find yourself — and the holidays can magnify this situation — in a period of your life where you feel you have no friends, you can
- Ask God to send people into your life
- Put yourself in situations where meeting people happens naturally, organically.
- Try to do everything you can to be the type of person people would want to count as a friend.
On this last point, my parents would often quote this, though I don’t know the source;
He has friends who shows himself friendly.
So do what only you can do, but then rest in the knowledge that God is your refuge, your helper and your friend.
Christianity 201 